Sample of work by Ally Stoyel
I never really knew what it was that I wanted in this life. I wandered, unattached to everything around me. A closed book, and I would let no one read my pages for fear that they would become characters in my story. I would let no words escape me so as not to invite people to presume my secrets. We didn’t share the same realities. Theirs was just my dream and I didn’t belong there. I was imprisoned for each cruel day and at night I would withdraw completely, to the euphoric place high in the clouds where they couldn’t touch me. Couldn’t complicate me with their pity and peer in to the depth of me. I felt alive, invincible, peaceful.
It didn’t last. Time and time again I would come down with a crash that would rattle the foundations of the universe, until I gave up on the callous sun and shut myself away. Forever trying to get back home and chasing the ride that would take me there. I couldn’t survive here, I just didn’t fit. Then I found her. She was an incredible force and she could see in to mind, because it was her mind too. She stayed with me, took the trip with me and said she would never leave me.
She convinced me to stop coming back at all. We kept ourselves in a state of ecstasy, and when that dusky room began to impede and threaten our reverie, we would drag that shiny splinter across our skin and pierce our bodies, forcing it to retreat. I was never afraid of anything because she protected me. She was like a shield, resilient and unbreakable. She kept me here and I let her.
She didn’t realise, how could she? She didn’t know that I could stand before myself and watch her, that tragic creature lying on the floor, completely oblivious that she was only a reflection of me. I felt sorry for her, because she was at complete odds with everything around her and she needed me to make her realise that she didn’t need them. She didn’t care that I was slowly killing her, it just didn’t seem important.
That was when they found us. I watched them as they picked her up off the floor and tried to take her away from me. They would try to fix her and make her speak. Make her tell them about me, so they could make me disappear. But they can’t. I am her, and she is me. I exist because she makes me. She is the light and I am the dark. She created me so she would never be alone, so I could comfort her and protect her from the prying eyes of the outside world.
You see, I’m stronger than her. I am everything that she could never be, that she never had the courage to be. And now she’s gone. I linger here inside her and I gaze out at them through her eyes, but they don’t see me. To them, she’s just one more empty body, withdrawn and too far gone to reach. I gave her exactly what she wanted. Now she can be free.